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You may also find it helpful to write out a list of positive things you’ll do in future relationships.

I reminded him about his dad’s birthday.

I put on her favorite song when she was sad.

I picked her up from the train station when it rained.

When you are feeling low about yourself, consider making a list of all the good things you did for your past partner or all the qualities they liked about you - and the qualities you like about yourself.įor example, you might write a self-love list like this: Make a list of what you like about yourself “Chances are, even after meeting a friend for lunch, you arrive home feeling better than had you stayed home,” she says. “We may be more open to saying ‘yes’ to new things, people, and experiences as a way to explore a newfound sense of freedom, even if it hurts,” she says.īottari suggests pushing yourself to do things, even when you don’t feel like it.

When you make time for self-inquiry and self-reconnection, Moffa says that this can lead to connection with what may have once brought you peace, joy, or inspiration but was put on hold during your relationship. We need to tend to our wounded hearts and take the time to allow the healing to happen with time, care, gentleness, and deeper self-understanding,” she says. “We need time to look within and take inventory of what patterns we may have taken into the relationship with us that no longer work. We need time to heal what’s been shattered,” says Moffa. While some people take time to be alone, look inward, or see a therapist to work through the complicated emotions of a breakup, others may suppress painful feelings and jump into another relationship. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t feel so sad,” Bottari recommends thinking, “I am experiencing feelings of sadness, and that’s OK.” To validate your emotions, it may help you to reframe your thoughts. “The best thing we can do is to try to honor our emotions and not judge our emotions.” Do not try to find someone new right away,” says Bottari. If possible, try to think of the loss of the relationship as a grieving process. If you’re the one who’s been broken up with, you may be in a state of shock and go through different phases of grief, including anger, bargaining, depression, and anxiety,” explains Moffa.Īs you cope with the loss of a relationship, these tips may help you on your journey to healing. “If you feel you’re leaving someone in a painful place after you end it, you may be ridden with guilt and sadness. Gina Moffa, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York City, adds that the details and circumstances of a breakup determine how you feel. “We may now feel more alone than ever,” Bottari says. For example, you may skip showering or avoid getting together with friends and family. When you’re feeling down, you may engage in behaviors you typically don’t. Thoughts affect feelings, and feelings affect actions, she says. “We have the positive messages that were given by our ex, combined with perhaps our own judgmental thoughts that we are not good enough or thoughts that things never work out for us,” explains Bottari. However, when the relationship ends, your thoughts may be mixed.

“We may have felt good about ourselves - thoughts about the time our ex commented that we were beautiful or handsome or how much they loved us,” she says. What causes heartbreak when a relationship ends?ĭana Bottari, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Florida, says that at the start of a relationship, our thoughts tend to be happy and uplifting.